Slacker

Yep that's me- the slacker...I have been in such a funk lately that I just can't get it in gear to get in shape. SO I continue to suffer from Jell-o booty syndrome that will not be cured without motivation and serious action. You know it's funny. I read the book Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl which was fantastic by the way, and Shauna (the author) was great. She put it all out there and went from like 300 lbs down to 160ish. Anyways I could see myself in some of the stories that she was telling. It makes me think that maybe I am just a fat girl stuck in a skinny girls body. Skinny-fat is what I call it, a slender body that looks great with clothes on! But take them off and I swear you are witnessing the Jell-o mold melting at the neighborhood barbecue. It's sad really 27 and melting...I have been better this week though. I went for a run and too the kids on a bike ride. I even swept out the garage one day so I could roll out the yoga mat to do crunches, etc. I have been doing leg lifts while the girls take their morning bath, but it's not enough. I am apparently taking in too many calories via rabbit food (I am allergic to dairy, potatoes, caffeine, most beans, and gluten) and alcohol (with all those allergies, this is the only vice I have left!) and the small amount of physical activity is not making a difference in the jiggle, yet. I still have some time to meet my goal though. Even though I am not seeing any progress, I am not seeing any decline either. I haven't gained any weight or inches. My jeans are still in need of therapy from all the squats I have to do to stretch out the butt every time I put them on, but they haven't ripped and they are still a size 4 so that's something right?! Oh how I long to update the progress chart....

The Plan

Today was a good start to finding my mojo and getting back on schedule. I did everything but workout by 8:30 this morning! (cleaned the house, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, laundry, dishes, etc and showered!, bathed the kids and made waffles for the munchkins for breakfast) lol. So I should have left the house at 8:30, but I didn't :( Actually, I have a good reason this time, I was watching a friends baby so she could get thing squared away for college, and then as soon as she left I put the kids down for their nap, and the day is done, figuratively speaking. The afternoon and evening are filled with guitar lessons and cub scouts. Maybe if it doesn't rain we will play kickball at scouts and that can count for my physical activity for the day, and then tomorrow I can jump on the get fit fast bandwagon.

Ya know I think it's funny that I see a lot of my friends update their facebook status with fitness accomplishments for the day, how long they spent at the gym, what they did, how fast their 5k time is, and I see them shrinking, toning, and all looking good, and I am so jealous, but at the same time too lazy to get off my fattening ass and do something about it.

Today felt good though. It has been months since I accomplished all those things on schedule, so there is hope! Hope is a good thing. I think even my pants are a little relieved today since I didn't hear the seams screaming for help when I squeezed into them today!

So here is the plan...
I will be following the fitness schedule I first posted on the right side of the page. I will get fit, and I will be happy and motivated about doing it. These are all things I enjoy doing, once I start. That's the kicker, starting. I am determined that by the time I am forced to put on shorts or a swimsuit this year, I will be comfortable doing it. For this, I need a timeline...
Originally, I wanted to run the Music City Half Marathon in April. That seems way too soon to be a reality, but with determination, it is a possibility. So let's keep that time frame.
By April 26 (8 weeks away), race day, I will be established into a workout routine, and well on my way to looking the bombshell part.
By Memorial Day (12 weeks away), which is also the day the pool opens up, I will be comfortable in that swimsuit!
By June 25 (16 weeks away), and the day we leave for Destin, the bombshell will be visible.
By August 30 (26 weeks away), my twins 2nd birthday, there will be no question, I will be the trophy wife!
Okay that's my goal, and the plan, with baby steps! I can do this.!

Enough is Enough

So I started this blog a month or so ago with hopes of finding some sort of motivation and direction for getting fit and looking like the woman I have also dreamed of becoming. No such such luck! I have found every excuse not to exercise from it being too cold or too hot, too windy, too rainy, too busy, too early, too late, or my favorites- the kids aren't feeling well, the house is too dirty (I'm OCD the house is never really dirty, but in my demented mind it is filthy.), and the list goes on...So something's gotta give. I threw out the goal of running the half marathon in April. With less than 8 weeks to go til race day, that is an impossible challenge.

I continue to chastise myself for being unfit and unattractive when I look in the mirror, and it is really taking a toll. Others can't see it, but I know I am not imagining the ever increasing amount of cellulite on my ass and thighs and the threat of a looming muffin top that longs to be peaking over my jeans. This can't be happening! Enough is enough! Something has to change and fast!

I have described myself before as being a bombshell on the inside, and I truly believe that I am and that I can change the outward appearance to reflect that, but I am having a hard time doing it.

I refuse to join a gym- why pay for something that I can do outside. Spending hours walking or running to nowhere on a treadmill with no sights or smells of nature around me is just depressing, been there, done that. I despise the weight machines because I feel that they taunt me, and when I sit down after some uber fit gym goddess, I feel that I have to do better than her in weight or repetition, which usually results in disappointment, embarrassment, or injury- No thanks. I know people that visit the gym on a regular basis, and never seem to reach their goals. It becomes more more of a social event, and they spend their time gossipping or comparing new gym shoes instead of improving their bodes like they are there for. I don't want any part of that.

I will not join Weight Watchers, Curves, LA WeightLoss, or any other "life changing" mega diet firm. I am not overweight, just floppy, and I don't think I would benefit by hearing the other women justify their last week's weight gain and eating struggles. Hell, because of the food allergies, I can hardly eat anything that is "bad" for me anyway. It is definitely not the food that I am eating, it is absolutely the lack of cardio movement and exercise.

I did buy some exercise videos, and yes, I used them a time or two, but watching the skinny girls on the screen shake their whole body and have nothing really move is very disconcerting when if I even think about a shimmy my ass goes into a never ending jiggle that I fear may knock something off the closest shelf!

So what am I going to do? I know what I have to do, but how can I get and stay motivated to actually do it? I think maybe talking about it would be a good start. When I try to tell my hubby, I just feel stupid. He thinks I look fine, and if I am not happy I should do something about it...I'm trying! And if I talk to friends or family, they don't understand either. It is hard to try to explain to someone that at 136 pounds and a size 4 I feel fat and unattractive (especially when they are struggling with their own weight loss and I am at least 4 sizes smaller than them). So I feel that I have to be there to support and encourage others, but who is going to support and encourage me? That's where this blog comes in...I have to take advantage of it's listening ear, and confide in it all my hopes,  dreams, fears, and struggles. I hope it works!